FEATURE | Mega Man 10: Mega Easy

by Vincent K.

No, no, I’m not gonna make that joke. It’s too obvious, even for me, and Penny Arcade’s done it before. And Capcom, right at the beginning of the game. That’s how stupid this joke is, so no number jokes. We all know Roman numerals, OK? Good, let’s get this thing started.

Actually, I don’t have any idea how to start this damn blog, which is odd, because that’s probably what happened with Capcom whilst they were making this game. That would certainly explain a lot of things, like the plot of this game.

It’s the year 20XX, the porn industry has completed their takeover of all world governments, and Mega Man’s about to kick more ass. Why? Well, after Mega Man 9, a robot virus started spreading around the world of Mega Man Land. This isn’t a computer virus that enslaves you to nudists through porn or anything like that (even though that’d be INCREDIBLY appropriate, given the circumstances), but more like a human virus which just gives every robot on Earth the flu.

“It must be Wily!”, you think to yourself, quite proud of making such an obvious observation. You’re right, but you’re not supposed to know that yet, since Dr. Wily decides to help you find the cure. Of course, in addition to the obvious plot twist, he brings with him several plot twists. For example, the cure: he has it, knows how to make it, and (SPOILER) leaves a fuckton of the damn things behind at the end of the game. Where the hell were these before, and why didn’t Light at least use the first one to make that many?

And while we’re on the subject, why am I fighting Robot Masters? It’s not like they have the cure or anything, and it’s not like Mega Man needs a cure (he’s half human; he became a robot during the Commybot Uprising of the same year), so we’re left so many plot holes that you’d think Dan Brown shot the script with a minigun.

While not a plot hole, one weird plot point is that Proto Man is now playable from the beginning. I went Mega Man all the way, but I still know what it’s like to play as ol’ Whistling Red: it’s like Mega Man, only you can charge, slide, and block with a shield. So it’s like Mega Man 7 in 8 bit form. So it’s essentially this. But with a 9, instead.

Yes, as we all know, Mega Man 9 did the old school thing first, so it doesn’t exactly come across as unique in this game. If anything, it just feels like Capcom offering us more of the same, and I know that that’s one of the most obvious things I could’ve said, but the game really does feel like it ran out of ideas before they even released it.

I could cite things like how the gameplay’s EXACTLY the same in every aspect, or how Sheep Man’s weakness isn’t Scotsman’s S. Hump, or even the very existence of something so stupid as Sheep Man. But no, I won’t go with any of that. Instead, I’m going straight for the level designs, which, time and time again, seem to rip off other Mega Man games without any sense of shame, thinking that the only people playing this are new to the series and happen to be masochists. Or idiots.

Star Man becomes Solar Man, Nitro Man’s stage is nothing more than Train Man without the trains, and what the hell is this? Blade Man? Fuck you, Capcom, I know that you just stuck a pointy hat on Slash Man. You can’t slip this crap past me.

Especially when the guy’s easier than your date immediately after the high school prom. Not even with his weakness (that actually makes things worse, in this case); turns out that as soon as you flash your Mega Buster, he’s ready to take it all off. Just like how all the other bosses, when given the right weapons, see the fight as an opportunity to practice their yoga positions, starting with Downward Facing Ass Handing.

Isn’t that the one thing I’ve been complaining about for the past 38 Mega Man games or something? Why, Capcom? Why didn’t you use this as an opportunity to fix some of the flaws with the games before this? All I see in that regard is that you can switch weapons without pausing, but you’ll usually pause anyway, unless you’re a fan of getting things shot in your face. If that’s the case, then you know yourself better than I do, apparently, since this game will kill you so often that you’d think that you were in a Freaky Friday remake starring Brad Shoemaker. However, I wouldn’t call the game hard, since it implies several things that this game isn’t.

For example, hard implies that there’s some satisfaction to be had at the end of it, and….OK, it sometimes does have that “look at how awesome I am” feel to it. But you know what else it lacks? A sense of legiti…..shit, it has that, too, but only through the old school part. Without it, memorization and reflexes become nothing more than words that echo silently in your mind as you yell at the screen for being “so fucking cheap.” It isn’t cheap? But you know what it is? Easy. You get infinite continues, giving you infinite tries at bosses which you either kill on your first go or after your 94th continue.

Synopsis

  • Old school is fine and all, but keep in mind that this is the 21st century. Do 21st century things to it.
  • Roboenza? Come over here so I can punch the stupid out of you.
  • Still, pretty satisfying, what with the challenging part and everything.
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    • AW
    • March 14th, 2010

    The entire time I was reading this review I was thinking it was going to be sarcastic; boy was I wrong.

    You do realize this is a classic Mega Man game right? Of course you do, you mention it in the article itself. So why are you trying to make sense of a story that’s been around since the NES? You’re even questioning the gameplay, the robot masters, his powers, everything! This isn’t a next-gen IP, it’s a seminal one.

    If this makes so much sense then why not question other titles, why not the Castlevania series? Dracula is in practically every game, the plot is roughly as hard to follow, the powers are very similar, etc. I really don’t understand you here.

    Old-school gameplay is tough and more often than not it’s not even rewarding. If you’re looking for auto-saves, check points, and hiding behind walls until you regenerate health then you’re obviously not the demographic Capcom was targeting. This is how it was and for a game that stays true to its roots, they’ve done well. I think the music could have been a lot better myself.

    Your writing style is easy to read and is humorous in parts as well, but too often do you try hard to make people laugh outright. Your anecdotes and analogies are nothing short of cliche and unfunny. “If that’s the case, then you know yourself better than I do, apparently, since this game will kill you so often that you’d think that you were in a Freaky Friday remake starring Brad Shoemaker.” Come on man. Really?

    Also, if you really were or are a Mega Man fan you’d know there was no Train Man. It’s Charge Man. Nice work.

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